Month: September 2008

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am terrible at relaxing. The first half of the CD that I am supposed to be practicing with is approximately 24 minutes long. The first time I used it I only made it 15 minutes.

So, I tried again last night. I had a hectic evening and thought it might be useful in helping me wind down for bed. I don’t know how well I really did with my breathing, but it definitely calmed down my brain and I was able to doze off much earlier than I usually do.

The first session went okay. It was mostly a “get to know you” for myself and the therapist. She was very nice with an open personality. She said that people with migraines tend to respond very well to biofeedback and she felt that she would be able to help me. I know that I don’t relax well and she reaffirmed that.

Part of the evaluation was her observing my body language. She commented that I tend to breath very shallowly and sit very tense even when I am trying not to. My “homework” for next week involves a CD with relaxation exercises that I am to practice with. The exercise I am to do is about 45 minutes and it is important that I make an effort to carve out that time to focus on this activity and myself.

That can be a hard thing to accept because life is so busy and I have so many things I am trying to do in a short amount of time. However, at the same time, if I don’t slow down and refocus I’m going to crash. There is a down side to being internally driven and stubborn. 🙂

We also discussed family history of this disease. It is hard to to admit this, but she said it is probably better for my health that I have already made an effort to limit the amount of time I spend in contact with Mom. She said that the mother-daughter dynamic when both have an illness can be negative. There is a tendency to feed and reinforce each other’s misery and that can make things worse. I have a mental image of 2 parasitic vampire things stuck together, loving and hating the ties that bind and at the same time afraid to break away. Unfortunately, Mom is my example of how I don’t want to live and it pushes me forward.

This past year has been a long and dificult road healthwise. This time last year I was having 15+ migraines a month–so basically every other day. Which means that I was physically and mentally exhausted. Of course this was on top of working full time and going to night school part time.

I am gladfully down to 4-6 migraines a month through environmental changes and trying to take better care of myself. My Dr. and I have had trouble finding medications that I can tolerate, so we have decided to try an additional route. I have my first biofeedback appointment on Friday of this week. There are some hoops that you have to jump through because of insurance, but the center was extremely helpful and supportive.

I am not very good at relaxing on a good day and when my head starts hurting I get anxious. I wonder how bad is it going to be this time? How much more of my life am I going to lose? So I really hope the biofeedback sessions help me improve my coping skills.